Addiction

Unfamiliarity with addiction doesn’t protect anyone. Initially, when faced with it, first comes hopeful reasoning. Something ‘set it off’ or ‘caused’ it. Just look the other way, everything will get back to normal sooner or later. When the addict is a loved one, disruption sends everyone within the life sphere into spirals of coping. Children, especially, are confused and frightened by addictive behavior of one or both parents. They aren’t safe and they know it. They can’t connect with the addict, and they realize that no matter how much love they extend, how much support and care, the addict will not respond positively to them while influenced by the chosen substance. Substance abuse translates into abusive treatment to everyone who comes into contact with the addict. Withdrawal, neglect, cruelty in the form of explosive verbal or physical attacks are common.

Alcohol, drugs (illegal or prescription), tobacco, marijuana, overeating, hoarding, and many more activities and substances can be addictive. Some of these alter mental stability and decision-making more than others, though all result in some type of abuse for those who are subjected to interaction with the addict. Alcohol is a common, deadly addiction. Because it is legally obtainable and socially acceptable, for long periods of time the fact that overuse is causing problems can be denied or obscured, or that the person who uses it excessively is abusing it, and in turn abusing those around him/her. All sorts of excuses will emerge. No one is fooled, especially the user. This simply buys more time within which to wreak havoc on all lives involved. With everyone else who is around, it’s waiting for the other shoe to drop, constantly.

Addiction is, more than anything else, self-absorbed behavior. When entering into a mentally altered chemical fog, it’s definitely a one-person show. Nothing else matters as much, is as important. It’s an extreme form of withdrawal . . . from everyone, from life. The comfort is within, something like a siren song which can’t be silenced. Another reality, just as familiar and many times more desirable. Many confirmed addicts are newly surprised, each time after returning to sobriety, that any damage has occurred as a result of their actions. Then there may be guilt, contrite apologies, promises of future abstinence, denial, or even defensive anger, which tends to end any meaningful discussion of the problem. The addict frequently does not acknowledge that there IS a problem . . . and transfers any responsibility for these to significant others.

The path to resolution is very simple, albeit harshly drawn. STAY or LEAVE. If it is STAY, all available energy galvanizes around and to the addict. Ultimately, life itself will revolve around whether or not the addict decides to continue to use. There may be treatment centers, meetings, support groups, binges, slow climbs back-on-the-wagon. Life will go on, no one will have illusions, and acceptance will be in order . . . lies, excuses, crisis management. If it is LEAVE, the addict finds that no one wishes to, or will agree to, reside within the altered framework of functioning which has been offered to them. Moving on with life, absent addiction and its patchwork quilt of daily, weekly or monthly fallout, is deemed preferable. Adjustments will be made and living arrangements changed. There is simply no middle ground.