True Value

Like the name of the popular retail establishment, true value is understood to mean quality -- the best, above average. Oscar Wilde once said "A cynic is a man who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing." What do we really know of value? Awakening each morning to the natural music of birds, seeing the look of wonder and delight on a child's face who touches the nose of a calf for the first time, watching the seasons change from a window of your home, understanding the life patterns of this earth and its inhabitants, and that all of us have a place in that cycle. We have done absolutely nothing except be born to deserve all this, and we need do nothing but grow mindful to appreciate it. It can be difficult to remind ourselves of this quiet essence of all that lives. Some are such masters of growing things -- it seems that these artists of the earth could plant an umbrella and in due time find little umbrellas growing. Beautiful, nourishing gardens, flowering shrubs, fruit trees, blooms of all descriptions are creativity in its purest form. Though paintings are wonderful and art of all kinds translates into languages understandable to all, the creation of living plants which in turn sustain our lives is essential, actual value. It is no accident that many beautiful words have been written in gardens, or that descriptions of the earth and nature, that creation of the master artist, are so plentiful. Somewhere among all that we possess is the truest of all gifts -- we need not even consider price -- it is ours. Mathematical symbols denoting quantity, or for assessing cost are useful for transferring goods and services . . . let us never confuse price with true value.

Addiction

Unfamiliarity with addiction doesn’t protect anyone. Initially, when faced with it, first comes hopeful reasoning. Something ‘set it off’ or ‘caused’ it. Just look the other way, everything will get back to normal sooner or later. When the addict is a loved one, disruption sends everyone within the life sphere into spirals of coping. Children, especially, are confused and frightened by addictive behavior of one or both parents. They aren’t safe and they know it. They can’t connect with the addict, and they realize that no matter how much love they extend, how much support and care, the addict will not respond positively to them while influenced by the chosen substance. Substance abuse translates into abusive treatment to everyone who comes into contact with the addict. Withdrawal, neglect, cruelty in the form of explosive verbal or physical attacks are common.

Alcohol, drugs (illegal or prescription), tobacco, marijuana, overeating, hoarding, and many more activities and substances can be addictive. Some of these alter mental stability and decision-making more than others, though all result in some type of abuse for those who are subjected to interaction with the addict. Alcohol is a common, deadly addiction. Because it is legally obtainable and socially acceptable, for long periods of time the fact that overuse is causing problems can be denied or obscured, or that the person who uses it excessively is abusing it, and in turn abusing those around him/her. All sorts of excuses will emerge. No one is fooled, especially the user. This simply buys more time within which to wreak havoc on all lives involved. With everyone else who is around, it’s waiting for the other shoe to drop, constantly.

Addiction is, more than anything else, self-absorbed behavior. When entering into a mentally altered chemical fog, it’s definitely a one-person show. Nothing else matters as much, is as important. It’s an extreme form of withdrawal . . . from everyone, from life. The comfort is within, something like a siren song which can’t be silenced. Another reality, just as familiar and many times more desirable. Many confirmed addicts are newly surprised, each time after returning to sobriety, that any damage has occurred as a result of their actions. Then there may be guilt, contrite apologies, promises of future abstinence, denial, or even defensive anger, which tends to end any meaningful discussion of the problem. The addict frequently does not acknowledge that there IS a problem . . . and transfers any responsibility for these to significant others.

The path to resolution is very simple, albeit harshly drawn. STAY or LEAVE. If it is STAY, all available energy galvanizes around and to the addict. Ultimately, life itself will revolve around whether or not the addict decides to continue to use. There may be treatment centers, meetings, support groups, binges, slow climbs back-on-the-wagon. Life will go on, no one will have illusions, and acceptance will be in order . . . lies, excuses, crisis management. If it is LEAVE, the addict finds that no one wishes to, or will agree to, reside within the altered framework of functioning which has been offered to them. Moving on with life, absent addiction and its patchwork quilt of daily, weekly or monthly fallout, is deemed preferable. Adjustments will be made and living arrangements changed. There is simply no middle ground.